Evans Edition: March 2020

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Fostering

Early last Spring, I started thinking frequently about a couple of sentences in my patriarchal blessing regarding young children. I began wondering if this part of my blessing would come to pass without my being proactive? Did I expect promised opportunities and related blessings to just fall into my lap?

I decided to prayerfully consider what I could do to cultivate these blessings. I felt nudged towards foster care in subtle but consistent ways. I was excited but very apprehensive. I had always thought about fostering, but for so many of those years, I had my hands full with my own kids and I didn't want to compromise their safety or expose them prematurely to adult issues through behaviors of these kids who had been abused or neglected. But at this time of my life, with Cam age 14 and Cy 17, we could take in young kids with no threat to our boys.

Ultimately, I decided to ask Rob and then each of our kids what they thought of the possibility. Without fail, each one of them wanted to take in little kids... the sooner the better! So, Rob and I took the next step and looked into it and began interviews and classes to see how we felt.

The training was very involved and time-consuming, but it didn't seem like a burden. Rob and I actually loved going to the training classes together.

We did First Aid and CPR certifications, background checks, medical checks and immunizations, online classes, eight 3-hour in-class instruction trainings, an in-depth home safety inspection, 3 interviews, and filled out pages and pages of application.

Throughout this process, I kept receiving confirmations that we were on the right track. I was reminded that we are to sacrifice and consecrate ourselves.

I thought about how my dad had grown up in San Diego, CA, never having met his father. His mom struggled with alcoholism, so he was sent to foster care over and over again in his young life. He estimates he lived in about 10 foster homes. Growing up, he felt many of his foster parents had kept the money for themselves and didn't seem to care about him. A couple of the home environments were abusive. I would love to offer a much more loving and positive experience for kids in a similar situation as my dad was in.

In our area, the kids mostly come from homes where they are neglected due to the substance abuse of their parents. Physical abuse is minimal, but there are cases of sexual abuse.

After 9(!) months of preparation, Rob and I were certified as Foster parents.

We decided to take in one child or two siblings, ages 0 to 8 (flexible), and are currently waiting for that phone call that will change our lives for the next 1-3 years (average). Our kids can hardly wait! We're not looking to adopt, as many foster parents are, especially babies to age 2, but hope to foster many kids over many years.

We have learned how important primary parents are to the child, regardless of the neglect or abuse. We hope to cultivate relationships with the parents and support them through their programs to earn their parenting rights back. In the meantime, we will keep their kids as safe, loved, happy, and well cared for as we possibly can.

In the meantime, I put together a chat book, the "Book of Evans," to introduce our family to the foster kids. In it we introduce each member of our family and tell about our family culture.

We haven't had a placement yet, although we had a call to accept a newborn who needed extra medical care due to the mother's addictions. I said we'd be happy to take him, but wanted her to know we weren't looking to adopt if it looked like a possible adoption case. Giving the baby back after a year or two as the only family he had known would be traumatic and not in his best interests. Turns out, the mom had a history in the system and it did seem likely he would be placed for adoption (as 20% of cases are).

So while we continue to wait, I can see the wisdom in God's timing. Getty and Mia have kept us busy.... but they're definitely worth all the blood, sweat, and tears.