Elle's Would-be 7th

Elle's cousin Jack wrote an essay recently:

Death of a Cousin

by Jack Vietti, age 11

It was a day unlike any other day, the sky was light gray like an elephant's skin, me and my sister, Izzie, were on the trampoline having fun, until my Mom called us in for a family meeting. "Oh no," I said to myself. When I got inside from the freezing, cold, weather, I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle I was so warm! My Mom had very important news, my cousin, Elle, was hit by a truck while going to her friend's house! I was shocked, my heart stopped, I turn to my sisters, Maisie and Izzie and my Mom and Dad and they were crying so much, a waterfall formed on their cheeks! I tried not to cry (being the oldest in the family). So we decided to head up to Utah, where i lived for years, to see how she was doing.

On our way up, we had to stop at a hotel in Colorado to rest. That night, I was really upset. My cousin was hit by a truck and died! I could just imagine the pain that she had. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't I was struggling so much that night. The next morning we set off to Utah and boy, my cousins and grandparents were so happy to see us! That night, my Mom and Dad told me we were going up to the chapel to celebrate her funeral.

That morning was the first time we would see Elle after her accident. When we got there, we saw a lot of people! There was a long line leading to Elle's coffin. I got in line and when I got there, I touched her forehead, and it felt like ice! Me and my sisters got stuffed animals. I got a ferret, Maisie got a tiger and Izzie got a lion to help us through the funeral.

We got inside the chapel, and it was gigantic! Then, I see her three brothers and two sisters, Cam, Cy, Getty, Mia and McKenzie and when I see Getty speaking, I started to bawl I was so upset! We had a blessing for her that day. Now she is up in heaven with my Mom's Dad, Grandpere.

The accident happened when Elle was 4. Right now she would be 7 years old if she were still alive, and the worst part is… she died on my Mom's birthday! Elle died on February 8, 2012. Even though she's in another place, I love her and I hope she will be safe.

Jack and Cam last year

In the months and years since Elle's death, Elle's would-be birthday has been a tougher experience than her Angel day.

Angel days are about accepting the reality of what has happened. What's done is done, and with each passing year, our new normal is validated as necessary.

Would-be birthdays, on the other hand, are about that parallel universe. The one where we got to keep our little girl. Where she is celebrating her 7th birthday. And I can't believe she's grown so big and rides the bus to all-day school. That's when I feel the bitter loss. That's when I resent our new normal.

I feel like she's not a part of our life anymore, which is devastating to me. Our adjustments have required that we build a new normal that does not physically include her. And now that we have, it is crushing.

Our friends wearing pink for Elle's birthday

 We went to the temple and wore pink that day (and it was jersey day)

Rob took us out to Chilis for dinner

Cam's giving me that look again...

I snuck off to Elle's grave alone late that night. Our friends/family had left balloons and a card and stuffed lion at her grave. Pretty sure Elle would want Cam to babysit that lion for her til she gets back, so the lion was waiting for him in the morning.

That Sunday night we all visited her grave in the dark 

and sent her balloons. Cy's balloon message:

 Cam's balloon message:

And there she was in the pink sunset to receive them...