Dr. Phil Knows

Rob and I are both spontaneous by nature. We've kept it at bay while the kids were young, but now that they are older and pretty independent, all signs point to it becoming our way of life. 

Exhibit A: Rob's friend Brian mentioned he was going to tape for a Dr. Phil show that weekend. (Remember how I love Dr. Phil?) We got tickets within an hour and spent the weekend in L.A. with Brian and a couple of his friends.

But first, Rob wanted to show me Venice beach. It was disturbing and smelled like pot. (What did I expect? 😂) No pics, and that's why.

We texted Uncle Nate for restaurant suggestions 😋

Paramount studios was so fun! The huge gate, the immaculate parking lot and eating places, the studio...

And Dr. Phil's stage (30) was right next to our family's favorite, "This Is Us" stage!

Backstage was a different story. Narrow dark hallways; props and crap just piled up behind large screens; small, very basic guest rooms...

Brian was so nervous. His adult daughter (one of their five kids) had contacted the show asking Dr. Phil to please help her parents reconcile. She was the only reason Brian agreed to do the show. 

And the taping almost didn't happen. Dr. Phil was pretty much convinced that Brian and Libby (his ex-wife) were only concerned about who was right rather than listening and learning how to become part of the solution. 

Meanwhile, a few people in the audience were invited to entertain everyone in order to get a coveted Dr. Phil mug, which is only available to people who dance on stage. Brian's friend danced (badly, ha!) and gave me the mug! Just like Christmas!

The show that almost wasn't, turned out to be complicated enough to make two full shows. They called the first show, "My Ex-wife Is Trying to Erase Me from My Children's Lives" and the second show, "An Estranged Father Finally Confronts His Children."

One of Brian's friends who came to the taping and who works as a professional counselor had told me he didn't like Dr. Phil, that it was all just Hollywood and fake. Ten minutes into the taping, he leaned over to me and said, "I've changed my mind about Dr. Phil. He knows what he's doing."

He seriously has a gift. It was amazing to watch him cut through all the details and discern the family dynamics and individual agendas and hone in on the truths of a situation 10+ years in the making. 

His advice was brilliant, and I learned so much. He talked about how Libby is passive aggressive (making it difficult for Brian to see his own children), and how Brian is aggressive (sending angry texts, calling the police). He said that Brian's anger and aggressiveness have been overshadowing the problems that Libby has caused in the first place, which has given Libby a free pass and made Brian out to be the bad guy. 

He showed how Brian is stuck in victim mode, and that he needs to give himself more credit as his children's father and a powerful influence in their lives. He also needs to trust his children, that they will figure things out for themselves, regardless of Libby's influence. And, he needs to stop taking Libby's bait. Dr. Phil said, "You're like Charlie Brown and the football! She sets you up, and you fall for it every time!"

As a recovering right-fighter myself 😆 I was so impressed that Dr. Phil wasn't interested in the details or in who was more right than the other. He was only concerned with moving forward and in asking yourself, "What can I do today to make the situation better?" He told Brian, "Do you want to know how you can fix this? Drop the anger and don't be critical. It's about the kids. Focus on their agenda, not on yours." I mean, if anyone had a right to be angry, it's someone who is being kept from seeing their children, right?!? But Dr. Phil wants to get on with the solution, rather than wallow in what's not fair or not right, but what is. 

As a side note, and one the producers opted not to air on tv, Dr. Phil talked to the audience about divorce. He said that most often people get divorced too early when they still have emotional business to work through and resolve. He said you should only leave a marriage when you can honestly wish your spouse well, and you are satisfied you've tried everything.

It was a tough experience for Brian. And I'm not sure he would call it positive... yet. But it's one of those experiences that if you let it work on your mind and heart (and watch the show ten times over) can be life changing. I hope that for him. He deserves it.