Never Gonna Live This Down

We had an “awesome” FHE lesson last night. It started out well . . . I bought a can of dog food and promised the kids I would pay them $100 if they ate one spoonful of the beefy, cheesy, doggie gunk (mmm, mmm good). They all were jumping up and down, beyond excited. Within about ten minutes of nose-plugging and dancing up and down, M&M and PG, eyes shut tightly, had each gulped down a spoonful. Getty made sure he was the first, which sealed it for M&M, who weren’t about to be shown up by their younger brother. Finally Cy, tears streaming down his face, kids yelling, “You can do it--we all did!” took a tiny bite, we called it good, and then the fun started. Cy threw up . . . four times. Rob and I sat the four of them down and explained how some choices are obviously bad—drugs, teen pregnancy, lying, eating dog food . . . but people still choose them. Why? Bottom line, Satan promises that it won’t hurt to try it once, you won’t get pregnant—that only happens to other people, no one will ever know . . . but these are all lies. Then there’s peer pressure. Why did you eat dog food? An obvious bad choice, but we were all cheering you on, Getty wanted to be the big man, and we promised you money. Then we read the kids a few scriptures about how Satan is the father of all lies. Then I said, “Guess what? We promised you $100 to make a bad choice. We lied just like Satan does. You don’t get $100. . . . (This is where it all goes down the toilet [with the vomit].) Getty went positively NUCLEAR (surprise, surprise). Weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, etc. The kids did get a $10 consolation prize, but as you might have guessed, it was too little, too late. Among Getty’s many lively railings were these, “I’ll never believe you again!” and “My parents are liars!” and, my personal favorite, “You ARE Satan!” McKenzie and Mia gave me nasty crusties. Seewhutimean? “Awesome.”